Letters to the Wan and only!
Dreams last for so long, even after you're gone...Friday, July 14, 2006
Back again
Dearest Wan,
There's this episode in Season 3 of Buffy where Buffy finally manages to "move on". She takes the ring that Angel had given her in the past, went to the place where she last saw him, and leaves it there. It was time to let go. It was time to move on. She did.
And seconds after she leaves, Angel came falling back from the skies, literally!!!!
That's you, Wan!
It is always like this. It always has been, and i guess it always will, won't it? Just when i finally gave up, just when i could at long last move on and let go, you come back.
I actually stopped writing to you! Yes, i've met someone else. Ironically, someone who like you, who just can't love me the way i love her. But at the very least, i moved on.
Then out of the blue, you come back into me life again - like nothing changed. Of course things have changed around us. You've been married for like 2 years? I've come back to the UK. But yet, it feels the same again.
And i'm afraid.
You are after all, married.
I am after all, still in love wif you...
Sure, there's someone else. Someone whom i dared think is better than you! A miracle, no less. But no matter how wonderfully perfect she is for me, she'd never have wat we had - we have a history. We share a piece of the past together.
You asked me - albeit 2 years later - why i din attend yr wedding. I'm sure u know the answer, dun you? How could i, Wan, how could i? I'm not that strong.
Why did you have to come back after i've finally let go? WHY????
Why?
There's this episode in Season 3 of Buffy where Buffy finally manages to "move on". She takes the ring that Angel had given her in the past, went to the place where she last saw him, and leaves it there. It was time to let go. It was time to move on. She did.
And seconds after she leaves, Angel came falling back from the skies, literally!!!!
That's you, Wan!
It is always like this. It always has been, and i guess it always will, won't it? Just when i finally gave up, just when i could at long last move on and let go, you come back.
I actually stopped writing to you! Yes, i've met someone else. Ironically, someone who like you, who just can't love me the way i love her. But at the very least, i moved on.
Then out of the blue, you come back into me life again - like nothing changed. Of course things have changed around us. You've been married for like 2 years? I've come back to the UK. But yet, it feels the same again.
And i'm afraid.
You are after all, married.
I am after all, still in love wif you...
Sure, there's someone else. Someone whom i dared think is better than you! A miracle, no less. But no matter how wonderfully perfect she is for me, she'd never have wat we had - we have a history. We share a piece of the past together.
You asked me - albeit 2 years later - why i din attend yr wedding. I'm sure u know the answer, dun you? How could i, Wan, how could i? I'm not that strong.
Why did you have to come back after i've finally let go? WHY????
Why?
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Dead
Dearest Wan,
How many times can one die?
I'm surely setting some sort of a new record here... :-(
Die inside, of course. Not physically.
She's back wif him.
I'm ... I dun know. Am jus too drained physically, emotionally to feel. I'll feel again - and then it's really gonna hurt.
I rather have that - cuz now i jus feel dead...
The worst thing of all - as if it can get any worse? I cant hate her. I cant get angry at her. I want to but i cant.
I love her, for who she is and for who she'll be, for wat she has done and for wat - i'm discovering more and more - she has done and for wat she will do.
I love her and tt's really killing me...
How many times can one die?
I'm surely setting some sort of a new record here... :-(
Die inside, of course. Not physically.
She's back wif him.
I'm ... I dun know. Am jus too drained physically, emotionally to feel. I'll feel again - and then it's really gonna hurt.
I rather have that - cuz now i jus feel dead...
The worst thing of all - as if it can get any worse? I cant hate her. I cant get angry at her. I want to but i cant.
I love her, for who she is and for who she'll be, for wat she has done and for wat - i'm discovering more and more - she has done and for wat she will do.
I love her and tt's really killing me...
...I'm half alive but i feel mostly dead...
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Crazy
Dearest Wan,
She's driving me crazy!!!!!
Or it's jus me own making...
I dun know. I mean, why the silence? Why is she avoiding me?
Or is it jus me imagination?
I texted her, i tried to call her, i blogged a letter to her, i e-mailed her. No response...
So how? Maybe she wants to be left alone. Which is fine. And understandable. After all, i am one who needs me space - and would like to be left alone at times.
The problem is that i dun know if tt's the case! I dun know if she's alrite or not. I dun know if she would like me to call her up or not...
But if she wants to, then she would tell me, wouldn't she? Would she?
I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!
Man, this is so so difficult...
When i did talk wif her, she would keep on talking about him - how she misses him etc. If only she knows how much that kills me... But she doesn't know cuz i'm not telling her. She needs an outlet and i'll be there for her whenever she wants to talk about him.
And at teh same time, i can't talk bout my feelings!!! It'll only complicate things for her. And this is not a good time anyways...
She said there was nothing going on - but then why is she reacting like it's a break-up? Why is she using words like "going out wif him", "dating him" etc? Why did she say she wrote him a "Dear John" letter?????
And why do i care for her so much???? So much that it is driving me crazy not knowing if she is fine or not, not knowing wat i shud do - give her space or be there for her?
Oh, Wan, why did i fall for her so easily?
I'm such a fool... for love...
She's driving me crazy!!!!!
Or it's jus me own making...
I dun know. I mean, why the silence? Why is she avoiding me?
Or is it jus me imagination?
I texted her, i tried to call her, i blogged a letter to her, i e-mailed her. No response...
So how? Maybe she wants to be left alone. Which is fine. And understandable. After all, i am one who needs me space - and would like to be left alone at times.
The problem is that i dun know if tt's the case! I dun know if she's alrite or not. I dun know if she would like me to call her up or not...
But if she wants to, then she would tell me, wouldn't she? Would she?
I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!
Man, this is so so difficult...
When i did talk wif her, she would keep on talking about him - how she misses him etc. If only she knows how much that kills me... But she doesn't know cuz i'm not telling her. She needs an outlet and i'll be there for her whenever she wants to talk about him.
And at teh same time, i can't talk bout my feelings!!! It'll only complicate things for her. And this is not a good time anyways...
She said there was nothing going on - but then why is she reacting like it's a break-up? Why is she using words like "going out wif him", "dating him" etc? Why did she say she wrote him a "Dear John" letter?????
And why do i care for her so much???? So much that it is driving me crazy not knowing if she is fine or not, not knowing wat i shud do - give her space or be there for her?
Oh, Wan, why did i fall for her so easily?
I'm such a fool... for love...
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Make a wish
Dearest Wan,
Blessed birthday. Hope and pray u'll have a wonderful day and an equally brilliant year ahead.
I miss u - u know that, dun u?
Take care, God bless.
Blessed birthday. Hope and pray u'll have a wonderful day and an equally brilliant year ahead.
I miss u - u know that, dun u?
Take care, God bless.
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