Letters to the Wan and only!
Dreams last for so long, even after you're gone...Thursday, August 18, 2005
Holding back and letting go
Dearest Wan,
I got a e-mail from a fren the other day. It was pretty interesting – it was about you! Yeah!
Basically, this mate was pretty concern for me – and I’m touched by that! She was worried that I seem to be holding back and not letting go when it comes to you.
I really appreciate me mate’s concern and will definitely reply her mail and express my thanks. As usual, I’m procrastinating…
It got me thinking, tho. And to a certain extent, she is right. I am holding back all the memories and there is NO way I’m gonna let it go. All I have left of you are these memories.
However, I must stress that it is only the memories that I’m holding on to. Perhaps, once, I was holding on to the hope that sumday, one fine day, we could actually be together again! OK – not perhaps. I definitely hung on to that. After all, there were so MANY times in the past when we went soooooooooo far apart but sumhow, by sum miracle, we manage to get back together again!
Today, I must say that I dun hold on to that anymore. Well, at least 99.999%!!! Perhaps deep down inside, very, very deep down inside, there is a tiny part of me that still harbours some hope – that perhaps one day I’d wake up and find all these years to be just a bad dream and that we were still together again!!! Hahaha!
Other than that, I’ve let go. The turning point? It has to be your wedding! That was it! No turning back. Til death will you part wif your husband. The 2 has become 1.
So while me mate was concern over me, I’ll tell her not to be – I’m not letting go of the memories but I’ve oredi accepted the fact that we are not to be together (and if I’m not a Christian, I would say that we’re not meant to be together, at least not in this lifetime!). I dun wake up each day in tears over that fact that I dun see you anymore, I dun hear yr voice anymore, I can’t be wif you again. Not letting go of the memories does not in any way hinder me in my relationship wif anyone – and more importantly, wif God!
So why do I blog about u? Well, I believe that writing is therapeutic. There will be occasions – and I won’t deny it – when something will trigger the emotions, usually a song, a smell, a place where we were together and my heart will ache for you and I will ask why did it not last. It is in moments like this that I feel that by blogging about it, it will help. And it does. Although – perhaps a good sign – I have been doing that lesser and lesser.
Wat about this blog? Well, I just needed a new place to voice out me personal stuffs. And wif me going back to UK to study again soon, I remember that back when I was an under-graduate in the UK, I’d write to you about everything, not really caring if you are interested in all the nonsense I churn out but more as an outlet. I’ve been very opened to you and I’m comfortable – it’s not easy to find frens whom u dun have to be afraid to be yourself.
This is an outlet for me.
I got a e-mail from a fren the other day. It was pretty interesting – it was about you! Yeah!
Basically, this mate was pretty concern for me – and I’m touched by that! She was worried that I seem to be holding back and not letting go when it comes to you.
I really appreciate me mate’s concern and will definitely reply her mail and express my thanks. As usual, I’m procrastinating…
It got me thinking, tho. And to a certain extent, she is right. I am holding back all the memories and there is NO way I’m gonna let it go. All I have left of you are these memories.
However, I must stress that it is only the memories that I’m holding on to. Perhaps, once, I was holding on to the hope that sumday, one fine day, we could actually be together again! OK – not perhaps. I definitely hung on to that. After all, there were so MANY times in the past when we went soooooooooo far apart but sumhow, by sum miracle, we manage to get back together again!
Today, I must say that I dun hold on to that anymore. Well, at least 99.999%!!! Perhaps deep down inside, very, very deep down inside, there is a tiny part of me that still harbours some hope – that perhaps one day I’d wake up and find all these years to be just a bad dream and that we were still together again!!! Hahaha!
Other than that, I’ve let go. The turning point? It has to be your wedding! That was it! No turning back. Til death will you part wif your husband. The 2 has become 1.
So while me mate was concern over me, I’ll tell her not to be – I’m not letting go of the memories but I’ve oredi accepted the fact that we are not to be together (and if I’m not a Christian, I would say that we’re not meant to be together, at least not in this lifetime!). I dun wake up each day in tears over that fact that I dun see you anymore, I dun hear yr voice anymore, I can’t be wif you again. Not letting go of the memories does not in any way hinder me in my relationship wif anyone – and more importantly, wif God!
So why do I blog about u? Well, I believe that writing is therapeutic. There will be occasions – and I won’t deny it – when something will trigger the emotions, usually a song, a smell, a place where we were together and my heart will ache for you and I will ask why did it not last. It is in moments like this that I feel that by blogging about it, it will help. And it does. Although – perhaps a good sign – I have been doing that lesser and lesser.
Wat about this blog? Well, I just needed a new place to voice out me personal stuffs. And wif me going back to UK to study again soon, I remember that back when I was an under-graduate in the UK, I’d write to you about everything, not really caring if you are interested in all the nonsense I churn out but more as an outlet. I’ve been very opened to you and I’m comfortable – it’s not easy to find frens whom u dun have to be afraid to be yourself.
This is an outlet for me.
posted by imissw # 9:34 am 
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