Letters to the Wan and only!
Dreams last for so long, even after you're gone...Saturday, May 27, 2006
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered!
Dearest Wan,
I met someone. Well, not really met.
I dun know where to start!
I did sumthing today that i dun normally do - i flirted with this person online!
I'm not getting me thoughts thru really well, am i? But i need to tell someone about it.
This girl - she is truly amazing. Just looking at her pics is enuf to sweep me off me feet. She has this truly amazing smile. Each time i think of it, it brings a smile on me face.
But Wan, it is not her looks that has won me over. It is her - she is so refreshingly honest, truly funny (not in the lame sense) and she loves the Lord!
I first read her post where she complained about the "lack" of single godly men around. i have never laughed like that for so long. But while it was funny, it was oso so true. And so pure. Here is someone who is so real - unlike the others i have known who puts on masks or an alter-ego, trying hard to hide and cover their insecurities and failings. She on the other hand cannot be more different than that.
I just cannot explain it but something about that post struck a chord wif me - and i immediately left a comment asking her to date me! Impulsive, spontaneous, crazy!
But ok, i was chicken. I left it annonymously. Hey, wat harm can come out of it?
She replied to me comment! She asked me to look for her to ask her properly! I took up the challenge. I started reading every single post in her blog from the very first post - and i even checked out the blogs of her mates who left comments on hers.
That's when i started seeing all her photos and that truly wonderful smile of hers. That's when i saw the extent of her love for Jesus and his work, her heart for missions. I know a picture paints a thousand words but a thousand words can also paint a nice picture - the one of her is brilliant!
She is just as refreshingly honest in her other posts. She shared her anger, her fears and her worries - and how God helped her thru it all.
There were so many things that i could relate to her immediately - her fear of flying roaches(!), her interest in missions, being musically inclined, leading young people, having a heart for the poor, trying hard to live her life for him, her interest in backpacking.
I could go on - but it doesn't seem to really "hit the spot". There's just something about her that is so beautiful to me - and yes, i'm smittened!
I mean i've seen really pretty girls, i've had good laughs with some funny ones, i've worked with committed sisters and i've "melted" at the sight of some of their smiles. But this is different. i've been trying to suppress it but something inside is trying hard to tell me that this is the one i'm gonna spend the rest of me life wif!
Love at first sight? Wll, techinically, no - we have not even seen each other face to face yet! A real case of "I knew I loved you before i met you"???
Having said that, this could all be unreal. I could just be longing to find someone - and she is conveniently there. Maybe i'm tired of being alone. maybe i'm tired for missing you and hurting over you. Maybe i wanna move on and let go.
This could all just be in me mind - trying to make it into a dream. I hardly know her - but the movie-like situation seems so attractive. Imagine the stories we could tell during our wedding dinner... no, i'm not thinking that far!!!!
And you know me, Wan. I'm a hopeless romantic. The thought of finding a life partner in circumstances like this is too tempting, too hard to resist! A meeting by chance, against all possibilities and geographical distances. What a story!
Am i just excited about the prospect of falling in love? i know that i used to be in love with the idea of falling in love. i always loved the challenge of the "pursuit" - but could never follow it thru.
In my recklessness, i could end up causing more harm than good.
But it's safe, isn't it? Harmless fun, i keep telling meself - or tried hard to convince meself.
i found her mobile number! Without wasting much time, i sent a text message to her, knowing that if i thought about it too long, i would not work up the courage.
She replied! :-)
she was impressed at the speed of me finding her number - but i lost points for waking her up at 3 am malaysian time!!!!!!
The realist in me tells me it wont amount to much. I'm here and she's back home. She could be heading off to Japan soon for missions. I dun know where i'll be next year. Oh, dun forget that we dun know each other at all - yeah, that is an important matter to take into account!!!!!! ;-P
But i can't help dreaming. I'm a dreamer, Wan. Just like how you used to know me back then. And i've been wanting so long to be able to let go of you. it seemed difficult, even impossible. You know u'll ALWAYS have that special part in my life. But for now, a part of me wants to dream again.
My last dream turned out to be a nightmare. It has been a long time since i dared dream again. And even if this dream doesn't come true (why should it be any different?), at the very least, lemme enjoy it while it last! :-)
Missing you, much.
p/s - sorry to say she has a nicer smile than you! ;-)
I met someone. Well, not really met.
I dun know where to start!
I did sumthing today that i dun normally do - i flirted with this person online!
I'm not getting me thoughts thru really well, am i? But i need to tell someone about it.
This girl - she is truly amazing. Just looking at her pics is enuf to sweep me off me feet. She has this truly amazing smile. Each time i think of it, it brings a smile on me face.
But Wan, it is not her looks that has won me over. It is her - she is so refreshingly honest, truly funny (not in the lame sense) and she loves the Lord!
I first read her post where she complained about the "lack" of single godly men around. i have never laughed like that for so long. But while it was funny, it was oso so true. And so pure. Here is someone who is so real - unlike the others i have known who puts on masks or an alter-ego, trying hard to hide and cover their insecurities and failings. She on the other hand cannot be more different than that.
I just cannot explain it but something about that post struck a chord wif me - and i immediately left a comment asking her to date me! Impulsive, spontaneous, crazy!
But ok, i was chicken. I left it annonymously. Hey, wat harm can come out of it?
She replied to me comment! She asked me to look for her to ask her properly! I took up the challenge. I started reading every single post in her blog from the very first post - and i even checked out the blogs of her mates who left comments on hers.
That's when i started seeing all her photos and that truly wonderful smile of hers. That's when i saw the extent of her love for Jesus and his work, her heart for missions. I know a picture paints a thousand words but a thousand words can also paint a nice picture - the one of her is brilliant!
She is just as refreshingly honest in her other posts. She shared her anger, her fears and her worries - and how God helped her thru it all.
There were so many things that i could relate to her immediately - her fear of flying roaches(!), her interest in missions, being musically inclined, leading young people, having a heart for the poor, trying hard to live her life for him, her interest in backpacking.
I could go on - but it doesn't seem to really "hit the spot". There's just something about her that is so beautiful to me - and yes, i'm smittened!
I mean i've seen really pretty girls, i've had good laughs with some funny ones, i've worked with committed sisters and i've "melted" at the sight of some of their smiles. But this is different. i've been trying to suppress it but something inside is trying hard to tell me that this is the one i'm gonna spend the rest of me life wif!
Love at first sight? Wll, techinically, no - we have not even seen each other face to face yet! A real case of "I knew I loved you before i met you"???
Having said that, this could all be unreal. I could just be longing to find someone - and she is conveniently there. Maybe i'm tired of being alone. maybe i'm tired for missing you and hurting over you. Maybe i wanna move on and let go.
This could all just be in me mind - trying to make it into a dream. I hardly know her - but the movie-like situation seems so attractive. Imagine the stories we could tell during our wedding dinner... no, i'm not thinking that far!!!!
And you know me, Wan. I'm a hopeless romantic. The thought of finding a life partner in circumstances like this is too tempting, too hard to resist! A meeting by chance, against all possibilities and geographical distances. What a story!
Am i just excited about the prospect of falling in love? i know that i used to be in love with the idea of falling in love. i always loved the challenge of the "pursuit" - but could never follow it thru.
In my recklessness, i could end up causing more harm than good.
But it's safe, isn't it? Harmless fun, i keep telling meself - or tried hard to convince meself.
i found her mobile number! Without wasting much time, i sent a text message to her, knowing that if i thought about it too long, i would not work up the courage.
She replied! :-)
she was impressed at the speed of me finding her number - but i lost points for waking her up at 3 am malaysian time!!!!!!
The realist in me tells me it wont amount to much. I'm here and she's back home. She could be heading off to Japan soon for missions. I dun know where i'll be next year. Oh, dun forget that we dun know each other at all - yeah, that is an important matter to take into account!!!!!! ;-P
But i can't help dreaming. I'm a dreamer, Wan. Just like how you used to know me back then. And i've been wanting so long to be able to let go of you. it seemed difficult, even impossible. You know u'll ALWAYS have that special part in my life. But for now, a part of me wants to dream again.
My last dream turned out to be a nightmare. It has been a long time since i dared dream again. And even if this dream doesn't come true (why should it be any different?), at the very least, lemme enjoy it while it last! :-)
Missing you, much.
p/s - sorry to say she has a nicer smile than you! ;-)
Monday, May 15, 2006
Nothing new...
Dearest Wan,
I miss you. A lot.
I hate being sick. It always gets me thinking of thing that i shudn't, thinking of things too much, thinking of you...
You know wat i did? Well, i googled your name! I am curious of wat u r doing now - and was desiring to see you - even if it's just a pic on the www.
It worked! I have an idea of wat u r doing now - or wat you had been doing. And i even manage to see more pics of yr wedding!!!! It is your cousin-in-law's photo album online. You know wat? You looked great. Really. You did.
But then again, u always looked nice to me.
Hope life is treating u well. It's down in the pits for me. Exams in a few days time, struggling to cover the syllabus, coping with the flu. Not for the first time, i asked meself "What was i thinking of????" when i decided to throw everything aside and come back here to study. I've got no more money, i'm struggling to get a job at a fast food joint, i have to walk for more than half an hour to town, i miss my family. But that's not all. The last time i sat for an exam was in 1995!!!!! I even almost forgot how to study for an exam.
But most of all, i would gladly exchange all this just to be wif you, to have a simple life, a routine job, in a small town. I dun need to be in London or Paris, or meet people from around the world, or visit historical places, or see sights some can only dream of, have adventures and travels. I would give all this back in exchange of being able to spend my life wif you. Really.
Still, i can't help but think that if i am having a life wif you now, a part of me would regret giving up a life of travel and adventure, a life of challenges, the opportunity to see the world and experience different culture.
No matter wat we have, i guess we will never be truly satisfied, will we?
Of course the best thing is that i'm doing wat i'm doing now with the small minor difference - that you are wif me now, that when i finish studying tonite, i can go and be wif you, that you'd pamper me in my sickness - and i'd prolly be annoyed wif that... :-)
Ah, wishful thinking. You made your choice long ago. And your choice did not include me.
Trouble is that i made my choice long ago too. And it had you in it.
Can't win them all.
Take care, wherever you are, whatever you r doing.
I miss you. A lot.
I hate being sick. It always gets me thinking of thing that i shudn't, thinking of things too much, thinking of you...
You know wat i did? Well, i googled your name! I am curious of wat u r doing now - and was desiring to see you - even if it's just a pic on the www.
It worked! I have an idea of wat u r doing now - or wat you had been doing. And i even manage to see more pics of yr wedding!!!! It is your cousin-in-law's photo album online. You know wat? You looked great. Really. You did.
But then again, u always looked nice to me.
Hope life is treating u well. It's down in the pits for me. Exams in a few days time, struggling to cover the syllabus, coping with the flu. Not for the first time, i asked meself "What was i thinking of????" when i decided to throw everything aside and come back here to study. I've got no more money, i'm struggling to get a job at a fast food joint, i have to walk for more than half an hour to town, i miss my family. But that's not all. The last time i sat for an exam was in 1995!!!!! I even almost forgot how to study for an exam.
But most of all, i would gladly exchange all this just to be wif you, to have a simple life, a routine job, in a small town. I dun need to be in London or Paris, or meet people from around the world, or visit historical places, or see sights some can only dream of, have adventures and travels. I would give all this back in exchange of being able to spend my life wif you. Really.
Still, i can't help but think that if i am having a life wif you now, a part of me would regret giving up a life of travel and adventure, a life of challenges, the opportunity to see the world and experience different culture.
No matter wat we have, i guess we will never be truly satisfied, will we?
Of course the best thing is that i'm doing wat i'm doing now with the small minor difference - that you are wif me now, that when i finish studying tonite, i can go and be wif you, that you'd pamper me in my sickness - and i'd prolly be annoyed wif that... :-)
Ah, wishful thinking. You made your choice long ago. And your choice did not include me.
Trouble is that i made my choice long ago too. And it had you in it.
Can't win them all.
Take care, wherever you are, whatever you r doing.
When he holds you close, when he pulls you near
When he says the words you’ve been needing to hear
I’ll wish I was him ’cause those words are mine
To say to you till the end of time
And I will love you, always
When he says the words you’ve been needing to hear
I’ll wish I was him ’cause those words are mine
To say to you till the end of time
And I will love you, always
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